goodbyes

my heart is heavy today.  transition is always a hard thing.  i feel like the past few seasons of transition in our lives have been especially bittersweet.  we have been walking into new adventures but leaving alot of good behind.  and with that i believe there is a required phase of mourning.  not a bad kind of sad, but the kind that makes you thankful for what you had and hopeful for what's to come.  today i am thankful for mourning....i'm thankful that there are things to mourn.

we are headed to kansas city with hearts full of hope but we are leaving behind a family that loves benton as much as we do.  so far the hardest thing i've had to do as a mother is to take my kid away from people that adore him.  and as i sit down and reflect on the challenge of it i realize there is a bigger issue at hand, one that i think will be continually the hardest thing i do as a mother....to let my kid experience pain.  so already i am praying for my heart.  i pray that i will have the strength to lead benton into the story that God calls him to, and i have no doubt that the story will be filled with both unimaginable good and gut-wrenching pain.  i pray that i do not stand in the way of God in my attempts to protect my son.  i pray that my love for him would be a reflection of God's love for him, that it would be more than a desire for his happiness but that it would be a desire to see him following jesus.  i pray that i would give benton's heart to jesus, not trying to shelter it on my own.

today i choose kansas city wholeheartedly because i believe it is the story God is calling us to.  i believe that derek's job there is one that will make him come alive and live passionately.  i believe the community there is one that will challenge us to follow jesus in new ways.  and i realize that what benton needs most from us is a meaningful, passionate, and unique story to be a part of.