the basement

What I'm beginning to realize is that most things aren't about what they seem to be at first glance. I'd say the majority of the time the smaller issues represent bigger heart issues. Case in point: the basement. Right now it's dingy, old carpet, popcorn ceiling, cracked paint. But we have a great vision. A huge sectional, a couple tvs, new paint, a kid play space, new carpet...a sweet place to hang out with our friends and watch chiefs games. And more than it being a vision of material things, it's a vision of good community with friends we love in kc. And that part of it is good...so good.. In fact the reason we've been longing to come back to kc good. But then there's the other part of it. The part of me that is the always wanting something more part. I'm realizing that we'll always have "the basement". We'll finish the basement eventually..and then it will be a deck or some other escapade. And I'm realizing that that's just life. I think vision and dreams of what could be are a great thing and often a good motivating force. I think God has created us to dream and dream big. So I welcome them, I do dream about a cozy basement with our friends, sharing food and watching sports. But I also want to embrace now and be overwhelming thankful for what we have. I choose to see the good now. I choose to see the dreams already fulfilled rather than being consumed only by the ones to come. So for this chiefs season we'll be in our living room, still with our friends, still with good community and incredibly thankful for the dream we are already living.

goodbyes

my heart is heavy today.  transition is always a hard thing.  i feel like the past few seasons of transition in our lives have been especially bittersweet.  we have been walking into new adventures but leaving alot of good behind.  and with that i believe there is a required phase of mourning.  not a bad kind of sad, but the kind that makes you thankful for what you had and hopeful for what's to come.  today i am thankful for mourning....i'm thankful that there are things to mourn.

we are headed to kansas city with hearts full of hope but we are leaving behind a family that loves benton as much as we do.  so far the hardest thing i've had to do as a mother is to take my kid away from people that adore him.  and as i sit down and reflect on the challenge of it i realize there is a bigger issue at hand, one that i think will be continually the hardest thing i do as a mother....to let my kid experience pain.  so already i am praying for my heart.  i pray that i will have the strength to lead benton into the story that God calls him to, and i have no doubt that the story will be filled with both unimaginable good and gut-wrenching pain.  i pray that i do not stand in the way of God in my attempts to protect my son.  i pray that my love for him would be a reflection of God's love for him, that it would be more than a desire for his happiness but that it would be a desire to see him following jesus.  i pray that i would give benton's heart to jesus, not trying to shelter it on my own.

today i choose kansas city wholeheartedly because i believe it is the story God is calling us to.  i believe that derek's job there is one that will make him come alive and live passionately.  i believe the community there is one that will challenge us to follow jesus in new ways.  and i realize that what benton needs most from us is a meaningful, passionate, and unique story to be a part of.

bitter.sweet.part two

lately i've been thinking about this blog for some reason.  i started it because i felt like my time in south africa was a notable story and one that needed sharing.  recently i realized that while it was a notable story, it was just a small chapter in the larger story of our lives.  and the larger story is one even more worthy of sharing.