shout out to the bloopers

We just got back from the beach for a week and one thing I really wanted in that week was a good family picture.  Not just a decent one, but one that I could get on a canvas and hang in our dining room.  Doesn't seem like that much to ask, right?  Just one is all I wanted.  Welp, all of you with young children know that its much harder than it seems.  They aren't puppets that will pose in a picture at just the right time with just the right face in just the right clothes.  They are messy and unpredictable and opinionated and all over the place.  So it turned into quite the mission.  And the results led me to think about life and perspective.  My photo albums are strangely missing any sight of tears or frowns or struggle or temper tantrums.  We don't take videos of Benton flailing on the floor because we didn't give him another pack of fruit snacks, we just video him so cutely eating the fruit snacks.  I wonder in 10 years when we look back if we will forget the fits when we watch the videos.  To some extent that is fine, but I think I am all too quick to run from and attempt to forget and get away from suffering as quickly as I can.  And in my journey to get a good family photo I was struck by the ratio of good to imperfect.  So much more of life is lived in the imperfections....

...the messy... 

 ...and the off centered...

...and the goofy and the eyes closed... 

....and the get me out of here now... 

...and the shadows... 

...and the grumpy faces 

...and the angry struggle... 

...and the fear of where we're at... 

....and the windblown.... 

....and the running away...

So I still can't say that these pictures will make the photo albums.  But they do change my perspective.  I want to become someone who more readily embraces the struggle and the imperfect.  Who finds God in the messy.  I am realizing that most of me, when I'm honest, just wants life to work at the way I plan, the easy way, the struggle-free way.  But there is this small part of me, the faith part probably, that says no. That realizes that isn't really the way to a full life.  That realizes that pain and brokenness and conflict are an essential part of the story.  Donald Miller talks about how a good story must involve conflict and struggle.  And as much as I don't want that to be true, deep down I know it is true.  When faced with the potential for struggle, I want to run or cling to false hope or turn to a vending machine God that will give me exactly what I'm wanting.  But that would be no God at all and the story would not be a good one. 

*I did finally get a good picture by the way.  And owe my husband for enduring the multiple attempts over multiple days in multiple outfits.